Heaven and Hell
by Fictatious
Summary: I'm real nice to people who are nice to me,' Dilandau breathed into Van's ear in a way that made him shiver and turn away. 'But you had to insult me and hurt me at every turn. That's not nice.' dilvan


Escaflowne belongs to them people. The ones that aren't me.

Heaven and Hell

'What, expecting a pretty, little blonde with not a thought in her head? If you're that disappointed, I think Millerna's still down in the east parlor,' Dilandau grinned broadly.

Van visibly paled, 'How...?'

'How not? You didn't really think I'd let that jellyfish put me away, did you? As for how I'm here, talking to you, that would be the ninja stealth skill,' Dilandau giggled. 'I expect Allen to be yelling his fool head off any minute.'

Dilandau didn't even flinch as Van brought a royal sword up against his throat. He just grinned wider. 'Why are you here?' he gritted, his eyes aflame with fury.

'Here, the palace: because they're discussing the terms of my, whatever, stay, ish, et cetera. Here, talking to you: because I got bored and nobody was paying attention.'

'What do you mean your "stay"?' Van demanded.

'Well I'm not a high up enough to be on the trial list for war crimes by default and they did, after all, already give Celena a pardon. Complicated affairs and all,' Dilandau chuckled, smugly. 'Unless of course, Fanelia wants to bring me up...?'

'Don't think I won't, you smug bastard!' Van snapped leaning forward a little before Dilandau caught his wrist and the edge of his sword, neatly pushing it away.

'Nn, you should,' Dilandau caught his chin, forcing eye contact, though Van wouldn't have broken it anyway. 'Be fun, right? One more chance to screw me over and take everything I have...'

'I didn't take anything from you,' Van spat.

'Didn't you?' Dilandau whispered softly, then his fingers clamped harder around Van's jaw and he threw him violently to the floor. Caught by surprise, Van's hand loosened just enough that his sword landed an arm's length away. He cursed just before Dilandau put his heal into Van's stomach. 'Didn't you?' he asked louder, anger rising in his voice out of the cover of his sing-song impudence of a moment before.

Van started to push himself of the ground when Dilandau's boot moved, but was slammed back down into the stone as Dilandau dropped on him, straddling his hips and pushing his shoulders back so hard his head cracked painfully against the floor. 'Shall I tell you their names, Van? Would you like to know who you killed? Who you slaughtered like lambs? You couldn't hear the way they screamed like I could, coming in so clearly over the radio, just before it cut out. Do you want to know their names?'

'No!'

'Gatti, Chesta'

'Stop it!'

'Guimel, Dalet'

'Shut up!'

'Viole'

'SHUT UP!' Van tried to push Dilandau off of him but gravity was not in his favor.

Dilandau dropped his mouth down right next to Van's ear and started to whisper. 'You're as much a killer as me. Why are you better? Because you were on the winning team? It's just like children's games, Van, children's games. Everyone's the same until somebody wins. Until somebody looses. Then they're scum. Right? Asturia and Daedalus and Fanelia will be writing the history books, right Van? So Zaibach's going to be evil forever. Daedalus's bomb killed the most people in this war, you know, on both sides. Is that right? Is that justice?'

'Zaibach stated the war!' Van protested.

'There's always a war, Van, Fanelia started two in their time. Won both. That makes them heroes, right?'

'No! Stop it!' Van shook his head violently.

'Pathetic child,' Dilandau hissed. 'And they expect you to rule? Folken would have done better. At least he thought every now and then, even if he was a prick.'

'SHUT UP!' Van screamed.

'And the baby cries,' Dilandau sneered. 'What's wrong, Van? Hasn't anyone told you that? I'm surprised, it's so obvious you were never born to lead. Or is he upset that I insulted his dear big brother? You hardly knew him, you know.'

'If you didn't like him, I consider that all the more to be in his favor,' Van growled, glaring back defiantly.

'I never said I didn't like him,' a look Van couldn't identify rested on Dilandau's face. 'I liked him a lot of the time. Doesn't change the fact that he was a fucking mean bastard.'

'Like you're one to talk.'

'I'm not mean.'

'Like hell.'

'I'm real nice to people who are nice to me,' Dilandau breathed into Van's ear in a way that made him shiver and turn away. 'But you had to insult me and hurt me at every turn. That's not nice.'

'After you tried to kill me!'

'No, Van, before,' Dilandau corrected, looking bored. 'Don't you remember? At Costello Fort you called me a coward. Cheeky. That would be before I made any attempt on your life.'

'That's not an insult,' Van spat. 'It's a fact.'

'Oh? What does the baby king know of courage?' Dilandau scoffed, rolling his eyes and then lazily collapsing.

'HeyGETOFF!' Van demanded trying to struggle away as Dilandau languidly stretched out on top of him, crossing his arms on top of Van's chest and grinning in a way that said 'look how annoying I can be!'

'Why-y?' he asked annoyingly, half singing the word.

'Screw you!'

'Nn, now there's mixed signals,' Dilandau laughed. 'What does the little baby want?'

'Shut up! I'm as old as you! Quit calling me a child!'

'No...?' Dilandau grinned. His hand moved and Van glanced nervously towards his fallen sword, expecting an attack. He just gasped in shock, completely at a loss, when Dilandau grabbed his crotch. His face burned and his eyes went wide. 'Ah, look at that blush... virgin...'

'Get off...'

'You don't sound very convincing, you know,' Dilandau said in a low voice, biting Van's ear gently.

'Get off!'

'Better, but I'm still not convinced. I can feel you're heart beat,' Dilandau noted smugly, his lip pressed against Van's neck.

'GET OFF!' Van shoved him away, trying to kick him, but Dilandau sat on his legs, looking again smug.

He giggled. 'You're supposed to hate me, remember?' Dilandau grinned. 'Good luck with that. No one's managed yet.'

'You stuck-up, little'

'Dilandau!'

'Took you a while to notice,' Dilandau snorted over his shoulder.

Allen roughly grabbed the back of Dilandau's shirt, but turned his attention immediately away. 'Van, are you all right?' he asked with genuine concern.

'No!' Van snapped, glaring. 'I'm pissed off! What the hell do you think you're doing housing this lunatic?'

'Being such a good big brother,' Dilandau giggled.

'Shut up,' Allen shot Dilandau a glare. 'Get off of him.'

Dilandau cast him a bored look, 'Meh, have to ruin all my funOw! Don't kick me, bitch!'

He leaned forward to slap Van but Allen caught his arm and wrenched him to his feet. 'Watch your mouth,' Allen snapped almost mechanically.

'Difficult to do without a mirror,' Dilandau scoffed, pulling his arm free and absently rubbing it.

Van picked up his sword and stalked off, throwing over his shoulder, 'I thought you were smarter than this, Allen.'

888

'What's your name?'

The boy, maybe fourteen, fifteen, looked up from brushing down a horse. He was thin and somewhat gangly with pale skin under a smattering of freckles. He looked slightly startled and not all that bright. He did have a sweet face, though his orangey hair could stand to be combed every now and then. 'M'name's Seth, sir,' he answered. He had a nice voice, Dilandau noted.

'How quaint. Folksy. You work here every day, Seth?' Dilandau asked, gazing out a window with a disinterested air.

'Yes, sir. The last two months, sir,' Seth nodded.

Dilandau wagered that it would take no more than five minutes to seduce the boy. He smiled and stepped towards him. 'Doesn't it get boring? This is such a dull place. I think I shall die of boredom here,' Dilandau sighed exaggeratedly and stood next to Seth. He would have liked to lean to further express boredom but did not trust the horse he might have leaned against not to move and make him look clumsy.

Seth shrugged. 'It's quiet and all, but I like it. Peaceful.'

'Nn, are you antisocial, Seth? Don't like people very much?'

Seth's eyes darted nervously to watch Dilandau snake an arm around his waist and tug at his shirt. 'I got work, sir,' he mumbled, his face going a marvelous red.

'Really?' Dilandau lightly licked his ear and ran his hand up the boy's spine under his shirt. That elicited a delightful shiver. He pulled Seth in closer, he was just a little taller than Dilandau and plainly growing more uncomfortable by the second.

888

Dilandau ended up washing his hair in the middle of the day because he couldn't seem to comb all the itchy straw dust out of it. Fvcking the stable boy had relieved some of his boredom, but he had decided that he really did not care much for the stable. And it was so easy. Dilandau was almost disappointed with how quickly he'd been able to bed the boy.

Not really very entertaining at all.

Dilandau's lips curled into a smile, thinking of how amusing it had been to torment Van a few days earlier. Seth wasn't smart enough to torment, but Van held real possibility for entertainment. Unfortunately Seth was the more accessible.

Van was just a few miles away in the palace, but Dilandau wasn't allowed off the Schezar grounds without darling big brother. And Allen would be more difficult to slip away from next time.

Dilandau sighed, combing his wet hair in front of his vanity stand and thinking of more ways to make Van squirm. Without all the regular shots that made one feel so wonderfully alive, he found less interest in the homicidal, but was still a fairly sadistic person. His greatest nemesis in his calmer state of mind had become boredom, and Van was proving to be quite useful in alleviating that.

'Have you taken another bath?' Allen sounded vaguely disgusted.

'Is it not customary in this country to knock before entering another person's chambers?' Dilandau snorted, putting his comb down and looking back at Allen through the mirror.

'Perhaps I should remind you that this is my house?'

Dilandau rolled his eyes, 'Of course it is. I'd never spend money on this boring backwater.'

Allen gazed at him with the expression Dilandau knew meant he was trying very hard to be patient despite the fact that he really did not like Dilandau one bit. 'The unspoiled country should do you some good after knowing nothing but a barracks all your life.'

'There's always something interesting going on in a barracks,' Dilandau sighed irritably. 'Your stable hand's an idiot. Probably can't even read. He's the only one anywhere near my age in this pit.'

'It is not the staff's responsibility to amuse you. If you're bored read a book,' Allen snapped, loosing his patient facade.

'I've read four books in as many days. I think I'm rotting,' Dilandau gracefully fell backwards off his stool and gazed annoyedly up at Allen from the floor. 'Is there no way to get out of this house for a few hours?'

'And why should I take you anywhere?'

'Because I'm bored!' Dilandau whined. 'I want to talk to people! Not old kitchen staff, people my age! Besides, it's not like I'm going to burn down the city again. It's been done.'

'How comforting,' Allen snorted.

'Really,' Dilandau looked into his eyes, thinking sincere thoughts, 'I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize my freedom.' Allen did look slightly swayed, now time for the guilt. 'Even trapped in this house, this is still the most freedom I've ever had. No one forcing drugs down my throat, telling me how to walk, how to talk, how to think... I've never had the opportunity to be a real person before.'

'You still have to earn your freedom, though,' Allen looked at him in a way that meant he was feeling guilty and regretful. After all, it was his fault that Zaibach had gone and stolen his dear little sister's childhood. It was convenient that he believed this on his own and didn't need any accusatory remarks.

Dilandau looked away, putting on a sulk. 'You should have just let me die back there. At least when you're dead, you're free... And then you wouldn't have to pretend to care about me.'

'Dilandau,' Allen was frustrated and annoyed and feeling thoroughly guilty. He was wonderfully easy to read. But then everyone seemed to be after puzzling over Folken. Allen sat down on the floor next to him. 'I do care about you,' he shook slightly in anger when Dilandau rolled his eyes. 'Whatever they did to you and whether you want to be my sister or my brother, we're still family. And that means a lot.'

'It means nothing. You don't even know me; I'm not the baby girl you lost ten years ago,' Dilandau crossed his arms and looked at the wall.

'Yes it does,' Allen was trying not to sound upset. 'You're all I have now and I'm all you have. We have to look out for each other.'

'I don't need anyone.'

'And that's why you scream in the night not to be left alone?'

Damn him. 'Nightmares are nothing after the sun comes up. Besides, I'm not talking to you then.'

'You call me sometimes.'

'That's Celena's stupid memories.'

'You're the same person.'

'She's an idiot. She's weak.'

Allen sighed. Dilandau still wasn't looking at him. 'You don't need to be so strong anymore. I'll protect you.'

'I don't want your protection. I don't want your pity.'

'Would you take my friendship?' How corny.

'No. You don't like me,' Dilandau sniffed. 'You think I'm annoying.'

'When you're trying to be, you certainly are,' Allen grimaced. 'You're very good with people though. You can make people like you or dislike you very easily. Like you're soldiers were the loyalist I've'

'Don't talk about them!' Dilandau snapped his eyes back on Allen's with an intense glare. 'Don't you ever talk about them. You've no right to.'

Allen looked at him a moment and then nodded. 'All right.'

888

'Princess?' Dilandau put on his very politest tone, 'Might I explore your library?'

Millerna looked up, seeming a bit disoriented, not surprising, her head contained more hair than brains. 'Oh, yes, of course,' she said and then paused and glanced at Allen. Allen nodded and Dilandau tried not to look smug.

'Thank you.'

'You know where it is?' Millerna continued to look a bit confused and worried.

'Eighth door on the left in the third floor, west corridor, lovely red cherry with a glossy finish,' Dilandau grinned at her.

'Ah, yes, that's it,' she nodded, smiling slightly.

'Thank you, Princess,' Dilandau dipped a slight bow before leaving them to discuss boring business that had nothing to do with him. Like hell if he'd come to watch Allen play diplomat. Or read more badly written books, for that matter.

Happy not to have an escort to shake, although that could have been fun as well, Dilandau headed for the third floor, east corridor. He bit his lip when he got there, looking at the doors up and down it. There were a lot of doors in this hallway. But here was where he'd encountered Van last week. He looked up and down the corridor carefully and then made a guess.

He gave a brief, sharp knock on the chosen door and listened. A chair moved; someone walked across the floor. The door opened and Dilandau grinned.

'What the hell do you want?' Van growled as Dilandau put his boot in the door's path to keep it from being shut on him.

'Nn, deep question. Too broad, can't think of an answer now you've put me on the spot like that. I won't say something so cliché as peace on Gaea good will towards men, because frankly, I don't care about that babble. It won't happen. People can't handle that kind of shjt.' Dilandau licked his lips, 'But in the short run I'll settle for some entertainment.'

'Fuck off!' Van tried to kick his foot out of the way of the door.

'Oh, little Van used a naughty word!' Dilandau reached out and pinched Van's cheek.

Van lunged forward to punch him and found himself tripped and pulled out of the room instead. He stumbled and turned in time to watch Dilandau stroll into his room. 'Hey! Get out!' he demanded, grabbing the back of Dilandau's shirt. 'What the hell do you think you're doing?'

'You're funny when you're upset,' Dilandau giggled, glancing back at him.

'Get out of my room!' Van was nearly whining in his fury now. He grabbed Dilandau's arm with one hand and the edge of the door with the other, trying to lever him through it.

Dilandau twisted around, casting him an amused expression before grabbing his wrist and kicking the door shut. It slammed loudly and Van winced, curling his fingers in. Dilandau grinned.

'So inhospitable,' he chuckled and then shoved Van against the back of the door. 'And here I've come all this way just to see you...'

'Shut up! Get away!' Van's voice got higher with stress.

'What's wrong, Van?' Dilandau whispered in his ear. 'Am I making you feel uncomfortable?'

'Let go!' Van's voice had died to a whisper. His eyes were screwed shut and he was trembling.

'Shhhhh,' Dilandau gently chewed on Van's earlobe. 'I won't hurt you...'

'Stop it!' He was crying now. Beautiful.

Dilandau slid his hands under Van's shirt and up his back. Van whimpered pathetically and tried to shrink away. He cried out a little louder when Dilandau bit his neck and suckled at it.

Dilandau moaned, pushing his thigh between Van's and grinding softly against him. He was getting hot. It was more of a turn-on than he'd expected to have Van crumbling in his arms. Not that he'd had any doubt he would make Van crumble, but he hadn't expected it to be quite so hot.

After giving him a hickey, and giggling to himself wondering how hard Van would try to hide it, Dilandau moved his mouth from Van's neck and kissed him hard on the lips. He brought a hand to Van's jaw, coaxing his chin down with his thumb, and deepened the kiss.

Van was shaking more than ever, but was making no move to resist. And he was getting hard.

Dilandau increased the pressure against Van's crotch and got a tiny moan in return. The chase was over, now begin the conquest.

888

'I thought you were bored of books,' Allen noted, a few hours later.

'I am, but I can't see how standing around watching you do whatever boring things knights do, that isn't fighting, could be any less boring,' Dilandau shrugged, reshelving the book he'd been reading. 'Besides, the change of scenery alone is a relief.'

Allen nodded, 'I'm surprised to actually find you here, and not wreaking havoc somewhere more "interesting".'

'Then why'd you let me go off without armed escort?' Dilandau sneered.

'I can't expect you to be trustworthy if I never trust you,' Allen gave him a smile. 'Come on, let's head back before the sun sets.'

'Right,' Dilandau nodded. He looked quite pleased with himself. 'Well have I earned any more freedom then, Allen? Look how good I've been.'

'You've definitely earned more credibility,' Allen smiled and ruffled his hair, which made Dilandau grimace and jump away.

888

When Van was hooked enough to fall into vague, sentimental babble after a blow-job, Dilandau laughed himself silly as soon as he was out of the boy's hearing range. His intuition had once again proved right on in guessing that Van turned into the fragile, clingy type when offered affection.

The next occasion Dilandau had to get the boy alone was the beginning of his torture. It was when he was half stripped on his bed, panting and arching to Dilandau's touch that Dilandau hissed into his ear, 'You're nothing, you know.'

His eyes opened partway and he started to mumble, 'Dila'

'Shut up!' Dilandau bit his neck hard, getting a yelp and a moan in response. 'You're nothing,' he said again when he drew away, although maintaining constant motion and contact as he berated the confused boy. 'You're weak,' Dilandau accused, unbuckling Van's belt. 'You're stupid,' He moved back and pulled off Van's boots. 'You're a coward,' he pealed off Van's trousers and fished in the pocket of his discarded jacket for a jar of oily cream he'd taken off his vanity stand that morning.

'W-why are you sa'

'Every one of them was better than you. Stronger. Tougher,' he pushed Van's legs apart and dipped some cream out of the jar. 'And you stole them from me. Murderer. Bastard.'

Van picked up a new rhythm of moaning whimpers as Dilandau worked his fingers into him. His whines in protest of his verbal abuse were cut off when Dilandau covered his mouth in a long, deep kiss.

He'd forgotten anything but lust when they're lips parted again. A few guttural moans escaped his lips. He whispered in an apprehensive voice, 'Will it hurt?'

'I hope so,' Dilandau hissed back, in contrast to how carefully he was preparing his lover.

888

'Good,' Allen nodded, looking over the blue-prints again briefly. 'You'll be staying for lunch, of course?'

'Sounds great,' Gadeth grinned and leaned back in his chair. 'When are you gonna be coming back out?'

'A few more months,' Allen said in a slightly apologetic way. 'I'll make some short trips before, but I can't stay at the fort now.'

'I was just curious,' Gadeth put up his arms in a dismissive gesture. 'The kid giving you much trouble then?'

'Remarkably not,' Allen smiled. 'It was rough the first few weeks but he's settled in really well. He'll probably be eating with us.' He stood from his desk and walked around to lead them out into the hall. 'And speak of the devil,' he said with a slight grin as Gadeth was stepping out of the office.

The albino ex-captain didn't even spare much of a glance from a book he was engrossed in. 'What, talking about me behind my back? And you don't even have...' he paused a moment, as he noticed Gadeth, his eyebrows raising with interest, '... the decency to pretend you weren't...'

'Do you remember Gadeth, Dilandau?' Allen asked, ignoring the break.

'I'm appalled to say I don't,' the boy murmured, licking his lips almost unnoticeably. 'I'd hate to think I'd forget that face.'

Gadeth bit his tongue, trying not to remember similar lines he'd used on girls.

888

'You should come around more often,' Dilandau was all but batting his eyelashes and giggling girlishly. It made Allen feel vaguely nauseated.

'Well, there's a lot of work to be done on the fort, you know. Can't leave those lazy slobs to do it themselves,' Gadeth laughed nervously, looking more uncomfortable than Allen had ever seen him.

Dilandau giggled girlishly and Allen bit his tongue. 'To be sure,' he replied sweetly, holding the reins of Gadeth's horse for him as Gadeth climbed onto it looking desperate to escape. 'Still, shouldn't spend all your time working.' The next thing Dilandau said was just a little too low for Allen to hear, but it made Gadeth flush and bite his lip, or perhaps that was the brief squeeze Dilandau gave his thigh as he passed him the reigns.

Gadeth gave his horse a kick and put a bit of space between Dilandau (who looked a bit miffed) and himself before calling a parting and getting the hell out of there.

Allen was biting his tongue hard and inwardly seething as he turned to go back into the house. He closed his eyes as he heard feet jogging up beside him.

'Wow! Where did he come from?' Dilandau asked, glancing back to the road as he caught up to Allen.

'Where did you learn to behave like that?' Allen demanded sharply, glaring at him.

Dilandau looked startled, 'Like what? Flirting I picked up around twelve- thirteenish...'

'Flirting,' Allen continued to glare at him, 'is what you were doing during lunch.' He looked away as they came to the house and stepped through the still open door. 'That, just now, what was that?'

Dilandau looked baffled. 'What?'

'Touching him! Et cetera,' Allen turned on Dilandau, who seemed a bit shocked, glaring at him fully. 'You were acting like a whore!'

Dilandau sniffed, 'Hardly. That was coy. Older men tend to respond better t'

'Excuse me?' Allen's anger rose as his stomach sank into his boots.

'Older than me,' Dilandau rolled his eyes. 'I'm speaking relatively, I didn't mean'

'No, not that,' Allen rubbed his hands over his face. 'You talk as though you do this kind of thing a lot. And that was not coy.'

'I don't do shy,' Dilandau rolled his eyes. 'You get no attention that way.'

'Dilandau,' Allen felt very exhausted. 'I don't know how it is in Zaibach, but if you keep acting like that here, people are going to think you're a whore.'

'Whores don't have specific marks and things in Asturia?' Dilandau tilted his head to the side. 'Red capes and the like?'

'Yes, of course they do, I don't mean like that. Not a professional whore. I mean people are going to think you're loose,' Allen closed his eyes and shook his head. 'A Rick, rather.'

'Oh,' Dilandau shrugged disconcernedly, 'well that's fine. I am.' He turned and continued down the hall, Allen staring after him.

'What?' Allen couldn't quite move out of shock at the care-free admission.

Dilandau looked back at him, wearing an expression of annoyance and exasperation. 'I grew up in the middle of a war. Isn't that fairly usual? Or is Asturia really that much different from the rest of the world? No, I think it's just the upper class, or whatever. Clumsy ideals and crap that make no sense. Really, Allen, don't you realize how sheltered noble life is?'

'Yes,' Allen answered through his teeth. 'I do. I lived on the street for three years.'

'Really?' Dilandau raised an eyebrow, looking impressed. 'Wouldn't've guessed.'

'... So you've been whoring yourself out since you were thirteen?' Allen stared at him, anger fading again and a mix of guilt and pity replacing it.

'No,' Dilandau gave him a withering look. 'I already told you I'm not a whore. To gain anything in the army, I'd've had to have been sleeping with men more than twice my age. Not only are they obnoxious and think they can look down on me, they're gross. Besides, whoring yourself makes you less respectable. I know that. I'm not going to play for fake power not backed by respect,' Dilandau sniffed.

'So what are you saying?'

'I realize now that this is an inappropriate subject that makes you uncomfortable and I'm sorry, I'm new at the family thing,' Dilandau leaned against the wall, gazing ahead of him in a frustrated way. 'The list is short and I can assure you that I usually instigated and it was always for my own satisfaction, not for any kind of material gain. Okay?'

'No. Not "okay"!' Allen shook his head, burying his face in his hands. 'It's wrong. Shjt...'

'Very little is intrinsically right or wrong, Allen,' Dilandau was glowering when he looked up. 'It was my life. It was my choice. I wanted to do it. I get that you don't want to know and I'm sorry for saying anything. Let's forget this happened and I won't hit on your friends any more.'

He started to walk away again, more determined and upset. 'Dilandau, no! You don't realize'

'Why can't you be over-protective about something that will actually hurt me?' Dilandau threw his arms up. 'Y'know I used to drink half a bottle of red before lunch some days? Why don't you bjtch about that?'

'You are hurting yourself!' Allen caught his arm and pulled him around to look him in the eyes.

'I've heard this speech before, and I'm not going to take it any more seriously from you,' Dilandau spat, glaring to the side. 'It's always just hypocrisy anyway. Can't so much count it as jealousy coming from you, or can I? Sick'

Allen didn't quite realize until he was watching Dilandau stumble, eyes wide with shock, that he had slapped him. He gasped sharply, staring now at his elevated hand, feeling the tingling sting on his palm. He was still staring when Dilandau's knee slammed into his gut and then, shortly after, a fist collided with his jaw.

He hit the ground gasping as running footsteps faded.

888

Allen knocked softly on Dilandau's door. There was no answer. He opened it and gazed in. Dilandau was on his bed, curled around a pillow.

'Dilandau?' Allen called quietly as he stepped up next to the bed. 'Are you awake?'

There was no response. Not even the twitch of an eyelash. Allen sighed, with a little relief and a lot of frustration. He turned then and walked back to the door.

Just as he'd caught the edge of it, a growl sounded behind him. 'You're just like everyone else.'

Allen looked back, momentarily meeting the glare of one red eye. Then it closed in a way that assured Allen he would offer nothing further and continue to feign sleep if Allen attempted to talk to him.

Allen sighed again and left.

888

'You're really lonely, aren't you, Van?' Dilandau chuckled, stroking Van's hair. Van didn't reply. 'Hn, Folken handed down all the shjt he had to deal with to you. What a great brother... That was stupid of him though, not just inconsiderate... You don't have a shadow of his strength.'

'He couldn't slay a dragon,' Van swallowed and tried to make the sulking sound leave his voice. 'He just ran away.'

'A coward to the end.'

'Shut up,' Van pulled away from him slightly to glare. 'He gave up his life to stop the war.'

Dilandau grinned, 'I've just set you arguing with yourself, you know.' He laughed as Van flushed and leaned back against Dilandau's chest. 'Besides, any farm boy can give up there life for a war. I knew several... No... not really a war... just one horrible moment... just a quick slaughter that no one could foresee...'

Van remained silent, a slight tremor running through his body.

'But Folken wasn't just some farm boy,' Dilandau sighed. 'I could never quite understand him. Fabulously intelligent though. I admired him, though I never admitted it. Sad, really.'

'Why didn't you?' Van asked quietly, a knot in his chest.

'Because it's stupid,' Dilandau shook his head. 'Giving your heart to someone who's dead inside. It's a stupid thing to do. And I'm not stupid like you,' he finished with an insult and a cruel smirk.

Van closed his eyes, trying to shake away the barbs. Folken offered a hope of not being blamed for someone being dead now. He knew if Dilandau got bored with the thread of conversation he would likely fall back into telling Van all about the soldiers he'd killed. Their names were memorized, the ones that were engaged, the one who had had a child on the way, the one who, in dying, had left his twelve-year-old sister entirely without family…

'Did you love him?' Van asked. He didn't want to hear the answer, but even less did he want to think.

'Maybe,' Dilandau fell back against he pillows, dragging Van down on top of him. 'Everyone I knew made me feel differently. Love is an inadequate word. There's too many different things it can mean.' He sighed and hugged Van a little closer. 'Difficult to decide when he never gave me anything. I liked him. I admired him. I lusted after him. I don't know. He was too distant to tell.'

Van lay silently, his eyes half-closed, breathing slowly and trying to just listen to Dilandau's voice and tune out what he was saying. He seemed tired and that would keep his voice level, so the jabs wouldn't come through if Van could just make the words go away. Which he'd never succeeded in doing yet.

'I suppose I must have, though,' Dilandau mused. 'To let him scrape me up so bad. I even told him I was a masochist to make him stop fussing about tearing my shoulder open. Was a lie but he shut up about it.'

'Stop,' Van's voice shook slightly.

'Why? You wanted me to tell you that I didn't fvck your brother, right?' Dilandau chuckled. 'I did. Lots of times.'

Van was silent, squishing his eyes shut and biting the tip of his tongue.

'Is it just jealousy or does it make a difference that he was your brother?' Dilandau asked curiously. 'Y'see, not having actually known him until just recently, I doubt I really feel towards Allen as one would generally feel towards family. And family in general, the people around me were the closest I had to a family growing up, and I fucked several of them.

'Does that bother you more? Does it bother you more or less than Folken? My darling Chesta who couldn't go the day without a kiss... Gatti who was always giving me pretty things... silk, jewelry, crystal... Miguel who'

'I didn't kill Miguel,' Van broke in. He knew all they're names now. The order they died in, who had called out to Dilandau just before being slain...

'No, not you. The doppelganger. I wonder if it would have made a difference if he'd been there... If you hadn't crushed his guymelef and taken him from me... twice...'

There was no winning. 'I was just trying to survive...' Van whined softly.

'He was worth ten of you.'

888

'So that's it then, is it? After some pretty Sargent now, are you?'

'What are you babbling about?' Dilandau sighed annoyedly.

'Oh like you don't know,' Seth snorted, putting his hands in his pockets and glaring at the ground. 'I saw you. I was right there as you're comin' on to that guy. You'll just go givin' yourself to him now, right?'

'I have never given myself to anyone, nor do I intend to,' Dilandau leaned forward and rested chin on his arms, which were crossed over his knees. 'I belong to myself.'

Seth spat. 'Didn't mean anything to you, did it?'

'What should it mean to me?' Dilandau fell back on the grass and glared at the sky. 'You were a temporary distraction, of which I have now grown bored. You didn't really think you could hold my attention for any extended period, did you?' He tilted his head back and could see the house. In a third floor window he could see a shadow.

'Right,' Seth dug his heel into the ground briefly and then started to walk away.

Dilandau sat back up and caught his arm. Seth stopped but did not look back. With a rough jerk, Dilandau dragged him down to the ground. Seth's eyes were wide a moment, an odd expression in them, as Dilandau grabbed him around the waist and kissed him forcefully.

Seth melted and caught a bit of Dilandau's shirt in his hand. Dilandau shoved him away and stood up. 'Now leave me alone,' he snapped down at Seth, who looked hurt and angry and stupid. Dilandau turned and walked away, glancing up through his hair to see the shadow gone.

888

'I don't understand...'

'Good, it's more fun that way.'

'Why...' Van choked, he was crying again.

'You know why,' Dilandau muttered in his ear.

Because this was a sadistic, insane, cruel punishment. And because he felt nothing. Hard-hearted and cold, he could do anything it took to make Van suffer. And he was suffering. He could clearly see it, understand it intellectually, but his emotions weren't cooperating with his brain.

His brain told him he was an idiot. His brain told him he was letting himself be hurt. His brain also told him that he shouldn't be hurt. That he really didn't care about Dilandau or anything he thought. But his emotions were confused.

'You're such a baby,' Dilandau stroked his hair. 'Such a weak, stupid child...'

'Shut up.'

'You're bad at playing this game...'

Game. That was what it was. It always had been. Van knew it had been. But he couldn't stop playing it.

'Shut up.'

'Do you love me, Van?' Dilandau whispered into his neck. 'Do you cry yourself to sleep? Knowing I was always playing with you...'

Yes.

'Shut up.'

'Maybe I could have loved you once, Van,' he breathed, just barely audible. 'But I don't have any love now. You destroyed it all. You left me empty. I can't feel anything. Because of you.'

'Sh-shu...' Van sobbed.

'But maybe not,' Dilandau said and Van's breath caught. He was silent, not breathing. 'Maybe I never could have. Who could love you, after all? Everyone leaves you. Not even for a reason... they all just leave you because they can't stand you.'

'SHUT UP!' Van screamed and pushed him away. He clenched his eyes shut and sobbed loudly, hugging his arms around his chest.

A soft hand stroked his cheek gently and his eyes cracked open. Still hoping, still somehow believing that a heart beat somewhere in Dilandau's chest. Dilandau leaned down and kissed him softly.

'Empty,' he murmured. 'Lifeless. This is what it would feel like to kiss a corps, Van.'

888

'Allen...'

Meryl's voice came very quietly so that Millerna didn't catch it and was still talking when Allen turned to look at the kitten. Millerna noticed him stop and gave him a questioning look. He told her to go on. Meryl's miserable state and her tone conveyed that she would rather speak to him without Millerna there.

'What's wrong, Meryl?' he asked softly. She'd never seemed to like him much before, but he knelt down to be on eye-level with her, or just slightly below, actually, and put a hand on her shoulder comfortingly.

'Lord Van's really depressed...' she mumbled unhappily. 'He keeps getting sadder and I saw him crying yesterday,' she blinked fast, trying to stop from crying herself. 'Everyone here's too stupid... I know you didn't like each other sometimes... but I really think Lord Van looks up to you... and he likes you... and... I don't know what to do...'

Tears shown in her eyes when she looked up at him. ' I... You loved Hitomi too... and... and... Millerna's too stupid to do say anything useful... I just... I don't know what to do...'

'It's okay, Meryl,' Allen pet her hair gently as she sniffled. 'It's not your fault. It's not because you're too young, it's always hard to know what to do now.' Meryl wiped a hand across her face and sniffed, looking up at him. 'I'll talk to him, okay? And you could help me out by keeping Millerna busy. Ask her to teach you how to braid.'

Meryl grinned and nodded, running off after Millerna. Allen smiled, having successfully managed to distract Meryl to start with, he headed for the stairs.

888

There was no response when he knocked, but he could hear crying. Van crying. He bit his tongue, unsettled to learn that Meryl hadn't exaggerated, then opened the door.

'Generally speaking,' an annoyed and all too familiar voice gritted loudly, 'when one does not answer a knock it means you should go away. Do you reallyshjt...' Dilandau cringed when he looked over his shoulder and realized he wasn't yelling at a servant.

His shirt was missing, but he was still, thankfully, mostly clothed. Van was just slightly less so but in the compromising position of having Dilandau's hand down his trousers. His face was red from a combination of tears and shame. He stared in horror at Allen for a moment and then looked away.

They'd come to the palace less than ten minutes ago. This must be pretty routine. 'The library,' Allen scoffed. 'Right.'

'What...' Dilandau drew both arms around Van's waist and pulled him into an awkward embrace as Van tried to squirm away from him. 'You don't like my new pet?'

Van gasped sharply, anger flashing on his features as he glared up at Dilandau. 'I'm not your'

'Quiet, Fifi!' Dilandau cut him off. 'You know what you are...'

Van's face crumbled, looking away again as Dilandau lightly kissed his forehead, chuckling.

'Get up,' Allen snapped, stalking into the room and snatching Dilandau's shirt off the floor.

'Why-y? You want to slap me around some more?' Dilandau didn't move.

'Get. Up,' Allen threw Dilandau's shirt at him.

'Well if you hadn't interrupted'

'Now.'

Dilandau glared, but pulled on his shirt. He then continued to sit on the bed glaring. Allen grabbed his arm and dragged him off the bed. He stumbled, cursed and caught his balance. He wrenched his arm away and Allen glared back at him, but he continued to follow out the door.

Van was curled up at the head of his bed, staring at his feet.

888

'What the hell do you think you're doing?'

'Language, Allen. Don't want to set a bad example for me,' Dilandau sneered, not moving his gaze from the road out his carriage window.

'Are you trying to hurt me?' Allen demanded, not having to put an effort into clinging to his anger.

'Don't be so full of yourself, Allen. Not everything's about you,' Dilandau still didn't look at him. 'I have personal interest.'

'In hurting him? That's what you're doing, you know.'

'Of course I know,' Dilandau snorted. 'That's what I was going for.'

'Why?' Allen's voice broke.

'He gave me hell. I'm just giving it back,' Dilandau growled.

'What is wrong with you?' Allen kicked the opposite wall of the carriage.

'Shall I make you a list?'

'Yes! Maybe then I can understand half the idiotic things you do!'

'My life is PAIN!' Dilandau screamed, finally looking at Allen. 'Everything I can remember is a constant stream of terror and pain! I was born into pain! The first thing I remember is waking up, shackled to a steal table! By the time I was seven, I wanted to die! Is that natural, Allen? Is it natural for a seven-year-old to be suicidal? They sedated and straight-jacketed me until I was ten! Three years! Three years I was locked alone, I couldn't pick myself up off the floor! I never knew if I was awake or asleep! And all the while they'd be jabbing me and cutting me and making me do tests and shjt!' He brushed his sleeve across his eyes and slumped back in his seat a bit. 'The only people who were ever kind to me, the only people who ever believed in me, the only people I ever loved, they're all dust...'

'... Dilandau'

'Shut up! Just leave me alone. Stop pretending like you know me. Stop pretending like you know anything.'

888

'Master Dilandau?'

Dilandau glared at the back of his bedroom door through his vanity stand mirror. 'What?' he shouted back at it.

'You have a caller, sir,' the maid behind it maintained the polite tone of her voice. 'The Lord Fannel's come to see you.'

Dilandau turned around and stared at the actual door rather than its reflection. This was unexpected. He strode across the floor and opened it. The maid jumped slightly, looking nervous. 'Really?' he tilted her head at her curiously.

'Well he was looking for Mister Allen, but I told him he'd gone out today and he asked to see you, sir,' she fidgeted.

'Right,' Dilandau bit his cheek, annoyed. 'Where is he?'

'Waiting for you in the parlor, sir,' the maid bobbed her head and scurried away.

Dilandau strolled leisurely down to the lower level and towards the front entrance. To its right was the double-doors of the parlor. Van's head shot up as he opened the door, and then he looked away, trying to pretend he hadn't. Dilandau grinned.

'This is an interesting turn of events,' he remarked casually.

'You're poison...' Van whispered.

'As are you,' Dilandau strode over to him and sat down immediately next to him on his couch, 'killer.'

'Stop it,' Van whispered softly.

'You came here for punishment,' Dilandau murmured, running his hand through the boy's hair. 'Why else would you come here?'

'... I don't know...'

'Of course you do. You need me. But do you know what the most marvelous part is?' He kissed Van's ear and then breathed softly into it, 'I don't need you.'

Van nodded, dry eyed for a moment before he crumpled forward, sobbing into his hands.

Dilandau smiled and pulled him tenderly into an embrace, cooing, 'Don't think it's unfair, Van. I planned it so nicely... and here I've kept your punishment just to you. I didn't kill everyone you ever cared about. You see? I've been very merciful.'

'I'd undo it if I could,' Van whined.

'I know you would,' Dilandau stroked his hair and rocked him gently. 'But that doesn't matter now, does it?'

Van cried for a long time, his face against Dilandau's chest, his arms clinging shakily about his waist.

'Never leave a job half-finished, Van,' Dilandau sighed, continuing to stroke his hair as he gazed out an afternoon-lit window. 'We both made that mistake.'

888

Allen paused as he stepped in the door. A maid hurried over to him. 'Welcome home, Mister Schezar. Lord Fanel came to see you today,' the maid said cheerfully. 'I think he may still be here. He was talking to Master Dilandau in the parlor, earlier.'

He almost swallowed his tongue. 'Thank you,' he said a little stiffly to the maid and waited for her to hurry off again before going to the parlor doors, biting his tongue, and stepping in.

Dilandau was sitting in the corner of the far couch with Van curled against him, both fully clothed and fairly unruffled, though Van looked worse for wear. Dilandau was absently stroking Van's hair and gazing out the window in a distant, vaguely wistful manner. He didn't notice Allen until he had walked right up next to the couch.

'He came on his own,' he snapped.

'I know,' Allen nodded, looking down at Van who seemed to be fast asleep. 'And why do you think he did that?'

'Because he's an undying optimist, apparently.' Dilandau grinned in a malicious way, 'I'll break him of that.'

'Charming.'

'He was cracked when I found him,' Dilandau gazed down at Van's messy hair. 'I only pushed him over the edge.'

'Why are you trying to justify yourself?'

'I'm not.'

'I think you are,' Allen turned away from Dilandau's glare and walked towards the door. 'You looked quite happy, holding him a moment ago.'

'I was day-dreaming,' Dilandau sniffed before Allen pulled the door shut.

888

Van woke feeling groggy and confused, but warm and very comfortable. It took him a moment to get his bearings and then he abruptly sat up, making the person he'd been sleeping with shift and mumble.

After a moment's hesitation, he lay back against Dilandau's chest. And for the moment, fooling himself into believing the promise of more pain later seemed like a wonderful way to spend an afternoon. He wrapped his arms more tightly around Dilandau's waist and was rewarded with a contented sigh. He smiled happily, nuzzling Dilandau's neck and enjoying blissful silence.

Dilandau's arm tightened around Van's shoulders and he mumbled again, '... Chesta...'

Van felt very cold. Chesta had been one of his soldiers. Platinum blonde hair, clear, blue eyes, face like a doll; that was how Dilandau described him. He had a mother and grandmother, two elder sisters, and his father had died. He'd been supporting his mother and grandmother. All the details Dilandau would tell him when he couldn't think of anything better to torture him with.

Even asleep, Dilandau continued to torture him.

Van pulled himself out of the embrace and scrambled away from the couch. He sat there on the floor a moment, staring at Dilandau, who whimpered softly and curled in on himself. Van shook, feeling tears on his face again. Just when everything in his life shattered and broke, he always found himself offered some false hope, only to have it ripped violently away the next minute. Again and again and again. There was still nothing left to live for, as it had been for years, and would continue to be. With Fanelia gone, he didn't even have any responsibilities to drown himself in.

He wished he'd died in the war, but just then he'd been clinging to the false hope of Hitomi. Then she left. Just left. I love you, goodbye. And leaving him here with nothing but Hello, I hate you, to look forward to.

He staggered to his feet and out the door, into the main entry. He paused for a moment, leaning against the door.

'Van.'

He started. He kept his eyes on the floor, feeling his face burn with shame. '... I'm sorry, Allen...' he mumbled, shaking slightly.

'Don't let him do this to you,' Allen said softly.

Van stared at the floor in silence for a long time. 'It's too late now,' he said at last. 'Too late when you saved him,' he closed his eyes and shook his head. 'Too late when you saved me.'

888

'Millerna's invited us to her birthday party,' Allen noted, a letter in his hand with a bit of the royal seal stuck to the top.

Dilandau raised an eyebrow. 'Ooo, the social event of the season,' he muttered sarcastically. 'She's invited me? Or you and whoever you can manage to drag along to the borefest.'

'Yes, she invited you,' Allen handed him the letter. 'You're going.'

'Uhng... Why?' Dilandau whined.

'Because she invited you. She'll expect to see you and you want to stay as much in her good graces as you can,' Allen gazed levelly at him.

'Oh, but what shall I wear?' Dilandau rolled his eyes.

'And leave Van alone...'

'Don't tell me who I can and can't associate with!' Dilandau snapped sharply.

'On who's income are you living?'

'And to paraphrase, "in who's house am I a prisoner?"' Dilandau turned on a heal and walked out of the room.

888

Dilandau had gone shopping for the occasion. He was sporting a new, silk shirt, stained a rich wine-red along with a few tasteful pieces of jewelry. Van glared away, feeling sick from watching Dilandau flirting shamelessly with a handsome young lord with light brown hair.

Dilandau's eyes would occasionally flicker up and meet Van's, assuring that he was well aware of Van watching him. It was a relief though, not to have him attempt to break Van down in public. Despite the meager consolation and likelihood that Allen had told him off before arrival, Van couldn't enjoy the respite as he was busy seething with jealousy.

He'd given up on the comfort of a gourmet buffet with all the trimmings for fear of vomiting. He didn't want to be here. He wanted to be asleep in his room. But Meryl had dragged him down to Millerna's stupid party and was threatening a raging tantrum with full waterworks if he didn't come. So now he had to wait until it was late enough to make her leave and go to bed. He would have to wait three hours at least before that would be a decent excuse.

'No, thank you,' he brushed off a caterer who was trying to offer him a something-something-onion-something-something-quiche-something. The caterer drifted off and it was a few minutes before he was assaulted by another with tiny meat pies.

For most of the people, they'd just drift silently past but as Van wasn't engaged in conversation, they seemed to find it their duty to talk to him, even if it was only to offer him miniature food. Again he saw one closing in on him and turned away, hoping they'd leave him alone.

Again Dilandau looked up at him. Van looked away, fairly certain that he was wearing a distinctly sulky look. Because of that, he didn't see what happened until there was gasp, a feminine scream from somewhere to his right and a thumping sound, all at about the same time.

He slapped his hand over his ear, which was stinging. He'd seen the metal flash past his peripheral vision. His hand came away slick and red. He stared at it for a moment and then turned slowly, just in time to watch the man behind him crumple awkwardly to the ground, an elaborately decorated knife hilt protruding from his head.

He wasn't quite dressed like the caterers, but in a close imitation. Fallen to one side of him was a silver tray and some little sausages, and loosely gripped in his hand was a small dagger.

There were more screams now, some shouting, a large commotion in general as word was rapidly spreading through the room to those who weren't close enough to see what had happened. Van was suddenly pushed roughly aside and gaped as he watched Dilandau leaned down over the man and, putting one foot against the corps's chest, pulled out the fancy knife.

'W-what...' Van stammered.

Dilandau cast him a sideways glance and then picked up the littler knife the dead man had been carrying and handed it to him. Holding it that much closer, Van could distinctly smell the strong, bitter scent coming off of it. Touching his finger to the blade he found it oily and slick.

Dilandau was silent as he cleaned off the gaudy knife he'd used to kill the assassin on the man's own shirt. He stood up and took a step back as royal guards were swarming around and without looking at Van again said over his shoulder as he walked away, 'Nobody takes away what's mine.'

88

'Good arm,' Tad grinned as Dilandau handed back the knife he'd snatched off his belt.

'Morbid fvcker,' Dilandau chuckled softly in reply.

'Whatever,' Tad shrugged as he slid the decorative knife (which wasn't really even sharp) back into its sheath. 'That was hot.'

'The throw or the killing in a public place?' Dilandau raised an eyebrow but was still smirking.

'I bet you've got a few more neat tricks'

'Dilandau!'

'Ungh, fvck me... Could his timing be worse?' Dilandau rolled his eyes.

'What was that?' Allen demanded, grabbing Dilandau by the shoulder and jerking him around to face.

'That, dearest brother, was an assassin,' Dilandau informed him blandly. 'I hate assassins and would appreciate it if every one of them could be put under soil.'

Allen put his hand over his face for a moment and shook his head. 'Dilandau, that was irresponsible. We don't know for certain'

'Oh because everyone I know carries around poisoned daggers and makes to stab them into people's necks at parties as the general festivities,' Dilandau rolled his eyes again.

'We can't know who sent him now and or why!' Allen retaliated in exasperation.

'Oh wonderful, better to let him kill a few people and then ask him where he's from, yeah?' Dilandau scoffed sarcastically.

'You could have alerted the guards!' Allen protested.

'Van would have been dead by then, of course. It's because he was raising the knife to strike that I noticed him. There wasn't time to "alert he guards".'

'You didn't have to use a fatal shot!'

'It was a good shot though,' Tad grinned. 'Is no one else going to notice that? I was impressed.'

Allen paused and cast him an annoyed look. 'Who are you?' he asked, his tone filled with irritation and weariness.

'Taddenal Dendessa. It was my knife, and if anyone wants to make a fuss about this, I'd like to share responsibility,' Tad smiled in a confident way that was just slightly challenging.

'... Right...' Allen looked extremely tired. Dilandau looked at Tad curiously, he was plainly the heir to a rather well-to-do family, but apparently his name stood for something a bit more than the average well-to-do lordling. 'Let's go,' he caught Dilandau by the arm and started pulling him away.

'Oh but I was having fun!' Dilandau protested, pouting. Allen ignored him completely and Dilandau let himself be dragged away, blowing a small kiss to Tad, who grinned and winked.

888

'I am impressed,' Allen said after a long period of relative silence in the coach. 'It was uncouth and probably not the best thing to do, but I am impressed.'

'Don't give me too much praise, Allen, I might start killing more often for your attention,' Dilandau said dryly, still with his head tilted back and his eyes closed, looking thoroughly relaxed despite the bumping of the road.

'Why did you save him?'

'He's just not done being punished yet,' Dilandau sniffed.

'Of course.'

'Stop reading in, Allen, it's annoying,' Dilandau opened his eyes a fraction to glare at him. He settled himself into his seat a little more compactly. 'I can't feel anything for him. I'm dead.'

Allen gazed at him for a while. 'I know the feeling.'

'Fvck you.'

'I do.' Allen looked out the window. '... Millerna looks so much like her eldest sister, just exactly, it hurts every time I see her.'

One of Dilandau's eyes cracked open with interest.

'Marlane. She died about a year ago. Of course, I'd lost her well before that. She was betrothed, of course. She married the Duke of Freid,' Allen shook his head. 'She never planned otherwise. It's not like a scrappy kid, even a Caeli Knight, could marry a princess.'

Dilandau chuckled. 'I never saw marriage as related to love,' he said quietly. 'Marriage is a pact between families and a way to see that there's heirs... One of my lovers was married,' he sighed and let his head rest against the side of the coach.

'... I'm sorry I hit you,' Allen said quietly after a moment.

'Why?'

'It was wrong of me.'

'I've been hit lots of times,' Dilandau shrugged slightly. 'That was a wimpy slap. Hardly felt it.'

Allen shook his head. 'It doesn't matter. I shouldn't have hit you.'

'Nice thought,' Dilandau sighed. 'Doesn't matter when you're pissed off. Violence is a way of life.'

'You just scared me. I couldn't make you understand...'

'Stop being scared. You don't understand.'

'I know. But you could get hurt. You really could. There's illnesses and'

'Sure, sure,' Dilandau shook his head and curled in on himself. 'I know. It's not like I went to bed with just anybody. I told you it was a short list.'

'Dilandau, that's not...' Allen paused and gazed at Dilandau for a while. His shoulders were shaking enough to see it in the relative darkness of the coach and his head was turned so that his bangs hid his face. The soft hiccupping sound of one trying to fight off sobs filled in the silence.

Allen braced a hand against the wall behind him and moved across the coach to sit on the opposite side with Dilandau. 'Hey,' he put a hand on Dilandau's shoulder which was shrugged away. 'Talk to me,' he pleaded.

'We both know... that ends badly,' Dilandau sniffled.

'I want to help you.'

'You can't help me.'

'Talking helps,' Allen caught his shoulder again and didn't get batted away this time.

Dilandau was silent for a long while, maybe gazing at the floor but his eyes could have been closed as well, his hair formed a curtain blocking them from Allen's vision. '... I really loved them, you know,' Dilandau whispered and then shook his head slightly, sniffing loudly. 'I don't care what you think. I don't care what anyone thinks. I did and I know I did... And they loved me...' He sobbed shakily, 'Stupid stupid...'

'What's stupid?' Allen prompted quietly.

'... Chesta... He was coming for me and Chesta put himself in the way... he just jumped in front of me... I never asked him to die for me!' Several loud sobs fell out of Dilandau's mouth. 'He was calling my name... He was trying to tell me something but he couldn't say it before...'

Allen put an arm around his shoulders as Dilandau covered his face in his hands and started to bawl in earnest.

888

'Allen!' Dilandau came skidding around the corner excitedly.

'What? Why are you yelling?' Allen was baffled, he'd started at the yell but now Dilandau was plainly looking quite pleased and he didn't know of any reason for it.

'I've been invited fox hunting!' Dilandau announced with a broad grin. 'I'll see you later.'

'Wait' Allen started, standing up.

'Allen! Foxes!' Dilandau whined, flailing his arms childishly.

'Who's taking you?'

'Hello again. Do you mind terribly?' the Dendessa boy strolled up at a more leisurely pace than Dilandau had and slung an arm around his shoulders. 'I do hope I didn't make a bad impression. I wonder if you might let me take your brother out for a bit of sport?' He was obviously in the habit of being taken for thoroughly charming, though matched up against a Schezar, he had no hope of pulling that off.

888

'How do you hunt foxes?' Dilandau asked curiously.

Tad shrugged and grinned. 'Hell if I know.'

'Why, sir, have you brought me out here on false pretences?' Dilandau tilted his head to the side, chuckling.

'Never!' Tad tugged on his horse's tether to check it before turning and tackling Dilandau. Dilandau laughed out loud as he fell back into sun-warmed grass and dragged Tad down with him.

'Damn, you're beautiful,' Tad sighed, tilting his head to the side slightly.

'One of my many attributes,' Dilandau smirked back then he sobered a little and sighed. 'Probably not very fair to tell you at this point, but I wasn't really sure earlier...'

'Aw crap, I hate the sound of that,' Tad grimaced in an apprehensive way.

'I don't think I can do casual relationships,' Dilandau chewed his lip.

'How do you mean?' Tad propped his chin in his hands, hovering over Dilandau.

'I'm a clingy, over-sentimental little girl,' Dilandau shrugged, wrinkling his nose.

'Ngh,' Tad sat back and made a face. 'like "Say I'm the only one, Tad!" kind of clingy?' he clasped his hands together dramatically and warped his voice, making Dilandau burst out laughing.

'No, fvck, whatever,' Dilandau shook his head, giggling. 'No... I mean, I'm gonna love you if you don't get rid of me fast.'

'Ah,' Tad nodded, leaning forward and rolled slightly to lay down in the grass next to Dilandau, propping himself up on an elbow. 'Well I'm shallow and flighty with no real sense of responsibility,' he said frankly.

'Typical noble brat?'

'Typical noble brat,' Tad agreed with a nod. 'Bored, over-confident and insensitive.'

'Fun for a while,' Dilandau sighed. 'I don't think I'm very good at it though.'

'Come on… you've got too much money for real emotions,' Tad grinned. Dilandau chuckled. 'This is about the Fanelia guy, right?' Tad asked after a lull.

'Mm, yeah,' Dilandau nodded and gazed at the sky and feeling heavy. 'I was just trying to fvck with his head.'

'Why?'

'He killed my soldiers,' Dilandau closed his eyes.

'Damn,' Tad shook his head and lay back, looking up at the clouds. There was a long silence before he spoke again, softly and in a kind of detached way as though he were talking to himself. 'My mom died a few years ago. My dad remarried right away. So this new woman just came into the house and I hated her so much. I had to hate her because it would be like betraying my mom if I didn't. Replacing her. Forgetting her. So I hated the new lady for a long time. Then my grandmother came to live with us when her husband died. She was my mother's mother. She said that nobody's ever replaced or forgotten. Y'know, my second mom is really nice. Pretty. Smart. I love her now and I call her my mother because she really is, but I didn't forget my first mom.'

'... She didn't kill your first mom,' Dilandau noted after a moment.

'No. She didn't,' Tad shook his head and then sat up. 'Y'know, I generally have a policy against soldiers. I wasn't in the war. I don't get it. I never will. Plain and simple. Too much baggage. You were just damn cute, I couldn't resist.'

'Don't think I've ever been rejected before,' Dilandau mused.

Tad grinned, 'Eh, why start now?' He leaned down and pressed his lips against Dilandau's. Dilandau sighed and wove a hand into his hair, opening his mouth. It lasted a long time before Tad broke away and stretched, getting to his feet. 'Figure yourself out before you pull anyone else into your mess,' he suggested and walked back over to where his horse was tied. 'Hey, maybe we could go hunting sometime.'

'For real?' Dilandau grinned, still laying in the grass, looking up at the sky.

'Might be interesting,' Tad shrugged with a smirk. 'I've never actually been.'

Dilandau laughed.

888

When he pulled the door open, Van's stomach simultaneously sank and fluttered. His eyes went to the floor, avoiding Dilandau's and he stammered softly. 'I... why...'

'Shut up,' Dilandau replied in an irritated sigh, then walked into the room without invitation.

He pulled Van's arm away, pushing the door shut, and dragged him to the bed as Van bit his tongue, feeling a lump rise in his throat. Dilandau pulled him down onto the bed with a roll so that he ended up with his face against Van's shoulder and arms wrapped around his back.

'I'm tired,' his voice cracked and he shook slightly. 'I'm really tired,' it was immediately followed with a sob.

Van wrapped his arms tightly around Dilandau buried his nose in his hair. 'Go to sleep,' he mumbled softly, closing his eyes.

'Stay with me.'

Van nodded. 


End file.
